Stop Telling People What Success Looks Like

I’ve been judged by friends and family because of the path I’ve taken since I graduated college. I currently work as a server at Chili’s. That wasn’t my first job out of college, though. I had originally been accepted as a Teach For America Corps Member where I was placed at an early childhood education center in the urban core of Kansas City. I dropped out of the program and quit my position as a preschool teacher. Why? Because I realized it wasn’t my passion. While I have great respect for both Teach For America and my placement school, I didn’t want to be locked into something for two years that I wasn’t passionate about and didn’t enjoy. I was miserable.

Ever since I quit TFA, though, I had been afraid to tell others. Heck, most people who know me personally probably had no idea until just now as they read this. Why was I afraid? Because for the longest time I felt like a failure who had given up. I went from having a “stable” and “honorable” position for two years to working in an industry that’s unstable, messy, and doesn’t conform to what society considers “honorable” and “fulfilling” work. I was afraid of what my friends, family, peers, and mentors would think of me.

But what if I actually enjoy serving? Sure, it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life (NOBODY wants to do the same thing their entire life), but I like interacting with people, the work caters to my strengths, it’s flexible, and the pay is good. I enjoy it! Shouldn’t that be enough? I’ve recently learned that a good way to annoy the average person is to have an “untraditional” life path and enjoy it. I’ve been judged. I’ve been told I have the potential to do so much more or that I “wasted” my college education. I’ve received laughs when I mention my job. I’m always asked about “what’s next” or whether I’ve found a new job. “You can’t do that forever, can you?” they ask, “How do you pay the bills? That’s not fulfilling work! You need to do something honorable, like being a doctor or lawyer. You can’t support a family doing this!”

The same goes for college students! We’re often told that college is the key to success, but that’s not good enough. You can’t JUST go to college. You have to study something that “matters”. Art history? That’s dumb and meaningless. Philosophy? Good luck finding a job at your local philosophy factory. Women’s studies? What are you going to do, be a professional feminist? Not only do you have to go to college, but you have to do college the “right way”.

While I would at least agree that it’s definitely responsible to have enough money to provide for yourself and your family, my point is that there’s no “correct” way to seek and live out your purpose in life. If you want to go to college, go to college. If college isn’t right for you, don’t go. If you like working a 9 to 5 office job, that’s awesome. If you want to work nights and weekends, that’s cool too. The beauty of humanity is that we’re all diverse and complex creatures who find fulfillment and purpose in all different kinds of ways.

Society tries to give us a picture-perfect way of living: you graduate high school, you go to college to study something that will lead to a high-paying profession, and then you find a cushy and stable job that fits exactly with what you studied in college and live happily ever after. If you don’t conform, you’ll be bullied and judged until you submit to social pressure. We only celebrate and look up to daring entrepreneurs, dedicated musicians, aspiring actors, and freelance writers once they become rich and successful. Until then, they’re seen as failures who pursue the lost cause of trying to find success in competitive industries.

I wrote this for those of you who took a nontraditional life path or have been called a failure for not following the norm of what a “successful life” looks like. I’m pissed off for those of you who enjoy their current place in life and are judged by people who think they know what’s best for you or how you should live. If that’s you reading this, don’t listen to the haters. Do what makes you happy. Whether it’s starting that business, becoming a doctor, writing that book, going to grad school, or serving at Chili’s, live your life how you want to live it and find your purpose.